Is my music depressing?

And if you're in a band, should you drop the downbeat stuff when you're playing in a bar?

I’m in multiple musical groups — some short-term, some “permanent” (pending someone moving out of town or dying) — and the biggest challenge in any group is picking or writing material.

Yikes, did I just mention “dying” in the first paragraph? Did I just answer my own questions? Anyway …

The band that’s been together the longest of my groups has learned a lot from trial and error. If you’re going to do something the least bit melancholy, you should either (A) be in a venue in which the music matters more than the food and drink and/or (B) do it well.

But do I have a huge disconnect between my setlists and my playlists?

Being a nerd, I had to answer with a random sample from my main driving mix, set on shuffle mode. Each song is ranked on a scale from 0 to 5 Kleenex, with 5 being the saddest.

Here goes …

Come Back, J. Geils Band. 2 Kleenex, but it’s more memorable for the stomping disco beat and the cool synth melodies than the lyrics pining for a lost love.

As Tears Fall, The Samples. 3.5 Kleenex. Second song out of the gate, and it’s one about the lead singer’s mother dying. But it has a pleasant melody, sweet lyrics and a percolating drum part (how many splash cymbals and high toms did this guy have?) that suggests a celebration of life rather than mourning. Probably the most obscure song on this list, so check it out if you don’t know it.

Now They’ll Sleep, Belly. 2 Kleenex. Hints at a failing relationship, but it’s a banger.

RISE, Extreme. 0 Kleenex. Lyrics? No idea. It’s a guitar solo that broke the internet. A Rick Beato video talking about it got 2.7m views.

Wrap It Up, The Fabulous Thunderbirds. 0 Kleenex. Originally recorded by Sam and Dave in 1968. Co-written by Isaac Hayes! Yeah, this is basically one long pickup line with some sharp guitar licks and a rhythm section that pushes things along nicely. Sharing the video here because my mother loved seeing all the women dressed to the nines and strutting around with such panache.

Ways to Be Wicked, Lone Justice. 1 Kleenex. Classic example of a country/blues song that provides some happy-hour catharsis. Most bars would break out into cheers after hearing Maria McKee belt out the first line of the last verse (around 2:05) — “well I can TAKE a little PAIIIIN ….”

Cradle, The Joy Formidable. 0 Kleenex. Pure rock ear candy. Ritzy Bryan is a force of nature.

This Is Why, Paramore. 1 Kleenex. Hayley Williams wrestles with her critics and wins.

Workin’ for a Livin’, Huey Lewis & The News. 1 Kleenex. Another cathartic blues-based song that a bar crowd would surely enjoy.

Hope You’re Feeling Better, Santana. 0 Kleenex. Great wake-up song.

Easy on Your Own?, Alvvays. 4 Kleenex. In this breathtaking live performance for KEXP, Molly Rankin is so committed to the song’s emotional peak at the end that it almost seems like Alec O’Hanley, her guitarist and partner, is looking over as if to say, “Um … you OK?” Yeah, it’s sad, but it’s so freaking good. (Side note: I love their intro from the Song Exploder podcast, with Molly saying she sings, plays guitar and writes songs, and Alec says, “I’m Alec O’Hanley, and I do all those things too, just to a lesser degree.”)

Love Song, Sara Bareilles. 0 Kleenex. Songs that slap back at a record company executive’s notes are never sad.

bad guy, Billie Eilish. Negative-3 Kleenex. Seriously — this doesn’t fit on a “happy to sad” spectrum. It’s playfully cynical. And I like it a lot more than most of the Eilish catalog, which is drearier by comparison. I wish she’d do more songs like this. If you’ve seen her on Saturday Night Live, you know how funny she can be.

Your Love, Angela Perley & The Howlin’ Moons. 0 Kleenex. “Come on baby, take me dancin'. I got a new dress and some change.” I can’t imagine anyone listening to this and feeling bad. Not just saying that because I’ve met Angela, and she is one of the sweetest people to walk the earth.

Murder on the Dancefloor, Sophie Ellis-Bextor. 0 Kleenex. Killer groove.

Haunted, Poe. 5 Kleenex. At least, we hit a song I definitely wouldn’t consider for a bar. This one is intense. “One more look at the ghost before I’m gonna make it leave.” The album is an interesting project, an exploration of her relationship with her late father that’s intended as a compliment to the novel House of Leaves by her brother, Mark Z. Danielewski. If you want to play something from this album for a bar crowd, try Not A Virgin.

Next to You, The Police. 0 Kleenex. “What can I doooo, all I want is to be next to you.” Like Wrap It Up, it’s basically a proposition with cool guitar licks and some outstanding drum work.

Summer Dress, July Talk. 1 Kleenex. I’ve actually heard the two lead singers debating this song’s meaning amongst themselves. The general idea is that the guy has done some hard living and isn’t really sure how that’s going to affect his relationship with the woman. It’s a bluesy banger with the typical vocal interplay you’d expect from July Talk.

Dead Man’s Party, Oingo Boingo. 0 Kleenex. Pair it with Murder on the Dancefloor for a fun dance set.

So, at most, I’d see three songs that might be too emotional for a bar crowd. I’ll keep flipping through the playlist … Veruca Salt works, Would? (Alice in Chains) might be a bit much, Who Was in My Room Last Night (Butthole Surfers) would scare a bar crowd but wouldn’t depress them.

Are You Happy Now? (Michelle Branch) would be an interesting call for a bar setlist. It has a good thumping beat and a defiant attitude.

Midnight Train to Memphis (Chris Stapleton) fits the cathartic blues category.

Here we go … Dressed to Suppress (Metric). Great song. Definitely not a bar song. And neither is the next one, Sometime Around Midnight (The Airborne Toxic Event).

Conclusions …

1. Sure, I grew up listening to Hüsker Dü’s despondent album Candy Apple Grey and I got into Rush around the time of Grace Under Pressure, an album that opens with a tune about nuclear war, another about a friend’s death, then one about a concentration camp. And my go-to playlist is more upbeat than my music collection as a whole. But in general, I’m not listening to a ton of mopey music.

2. If it rocks, it rocks. Take the lyrics to Midnight Train to Memphis and rearrange it as a piano ballad, and it might be interesting in an intimate club setting but absolutely not in a typical gig environment.

Final thought: There are a handful of songs that I appreciate as great pieces of music that hit too hard for frequent listening. I’ve listened to Flying, a Living Colour song about a doomed man in the World Trade Center on 9/11 deciding to go out on his own terms and jump, exactly once. Arriving Somewhere but Not Here by Porcupine Tree should be in the dictionary next to the word “haunting.” And Coldplay’s The Scientist hits too close to home, taking me back to being in my early 20s and feeling like I would never again have a girlfriend, let alone a wife. (Happy to be wrong!)

On that note, I think I’ll listen to one of the most uplifting songs I’ve ever heard — Your Light, by The Big Moon. (Why are they big enough to play on a big stage at Glastonbury in the UK, but when they come to the USA, they’re at DC9? Not that I minded being able to stand about three feet away from the band.)